Mordor and other things

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged or even written regularly so both Blogging 101 and Writing 101 seemed like a great way to jumpstart my return. I choose to write because it frees me. Writing is my outlet for extreme emotions whether it’s the joy of finally achieving one of my goals, seeing my loved ones after months apart or the impotent rage that come with the loss of a loved one to terminal illness, ultimately, writing is an escape. Something I consider a healthy coping mechanism and better alternative to past methods. It’s what has helped me accept myself for who I am.

Who am I? I am a massive fan of all things LoTR, Doctor Who, anime, manga, K-Pop (and occasionally pop of the J variety). I am a woman of color and in recovery from an eating disorder for nearly five years. Due to my upbringing this is somewhat difficult to admit but personal Mordor for years has been that I’ve questioned my sexuality. And that I am also a Christian. Reconciling the two has been difficult to say the least, and I may lose out on potential readers for revealing those last two facts, but I’ve found that I just can’t hold it in any longer. Essentially writing and blogging both allow me a safe place where I can be myself without fear of reprisal.

Want to know more?

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What to do?

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Decisions, Decisions.”

I’d have to say my decision-making process a bit of both. Instinct backed by enough research for me to feel comfortable in going with my gut. Generally making important decisions based on instinct alone has worked out, but on the rare occasion it hasn’t, the resulting consequences made me regret not researching that particular decision before taking action. One instance of this was back in my teens. In most cases, the teenaged mind is confusing at best and a harrowing maelstrom of conflicting emotions, shoddy reasoning and nonexistent logic.

Picture this: an angry, depressed teen girl walks into a gym, sleep deprived and stuck in a continuous loop of traumatic flashbacks. She’s intent on forgetting the memories that plague her nightly and thinks exercise will wear her out to the point where the monsters in the closet vanish for a few hours. There’s just one problem. In her rush to escape, the girl exercises for hours, paying no mind to the blaring klaxons going off within her body. The end result? Serious injury and as a result of that, a deep seated fear of fitness activities of any kind. That in turn, caused me to spiral even deeper into disordered behavior patterns. It took me years to get over the fear born on that day. While I still base a great number of decisions on instinct it’s the memory of that event that’s caused me to temper present and future decisions with a healthy pinch of reason and a generous sprinkle of logic.

How have you handled the result of a decision made purely on logic or instinct alone?

Hullo From the Tookish Side of the Shire

Ever find yourself lost in search of great recipes for a healthy and tasty Second Breakfast? Or have you been struck with the sudden desire to walk into Mordor due to an inability to fight dark forces tirelessly? I have and no longer wish remain uneducated in matters related food and fitness. So, Fit and Healthy in The Shire is my attempt at documenting my efforts at becoming a stronger, happier hobbit.

My road to this point was long and convoluted. Growing up I was fairly bookish (still am in fact) and uninterested in sports or physical activity due to medical restrictions. I was also painfully shy due to years of bullying. As a result of that and a host of other issues, I went from being a skinny lonely kid to chubby lonely kid and then an underweight, depressed teen/young adult. I struggled with disordered eating and later what’s now known as OSFED of the Atypical Anorexia Nervosa sub-type for over four to five years. Recently though, I’ve felt my Tookish side has begun to emerge. I’m ready to throw off my past and emerge a new woman fully capable of waging war on the orcs of my past and embark on adventures with my trusted companions.

I’ve been in recovery for over four years now and feel like I can safely approach fitness and exercise in a healthy manner without slipping back into the habits I once had. How do I plan on doing that? By setting small, measurable and realistic goals. Nibbles to soothe the grumbly tummy, if you will, rather than a twelve course before I’m ready.

So my main quests are:

  1. Build functional strength
  2. Gain 7 pounds of muscle
  3. Get my body fat percentage down from 31% to 20%
  4. Lower my risk of developing lifestyle-related diseases
  5. Run 2 miles without stopping in 13 minutes
  6. Transition from being an omnivore to eating a balanced vegan diet over the next 3 months.